The right time to talk is sooner than you think
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Planning for the end of life isn’t a one‑time event. It’s a series of conversations and decisions that evolve as you grow and as your circumstances change. Begin by revisiting your plans at major life milestones and update them as your health or relationships change.
Why timing matters
My friend Miguel didn’t think about advance care planning until his father was rushed to the hospital. In the chaos, they had to guess about his father’s wishes while juggling bank accounts, insurance, and phone passwords. “If we’d talked about this sooner,” Miguel told me later, “we would have been more present with him.” Stories like his are familiar in my work with therapists and doctors. Waiting until a crisis can leave families scrambling. Planning at the correct times gives you and your loved ones peace of mind.
End of life planning checklist
Age 18 and up: get started
- Create a basic plan. Once you’re legally an adult, name a health care proxy, someone who can make decisions if you can’t. Fill out a simple advance directive using your state’s form.
- Think about values. Consider what quality of life means to you. Do you value independence, comfort, or longevity most?
- Share your choices. Let your chosen proxy and at least one family member know where to find your documents.
Life events: revisit and expand
- Marriage or partnership: Talk with your spouse or partner about your wishes and theirs. Update your proxy if necessary.
- New baby or adoption: As your family grows, think about guardianship, financial responsibilities, and who would step in if you were unable to care for a child.
- Buying a home or major asset: Update legal paperwork to reflect who can handle financial decisions if you’re incapacitated.
- Serious diagnosis or surgery: Review your preferences for treatments and update your directive to reflect your current condition and prognosis. The National Institute on Aging suggests doing this whenever your health changes.
- Divorce or death of a proxy: Choose a new person if your original proxy can no longer serve.
Age milestones: deepen the plan
- Every decade: At ages 30, 40, 50 and beyond, revisit your directives. Life experience often changes our views about what matters most.
- In your fifties: Many people start to care for aging parents around this time. Use their experiences to reflect on your own wishes and talk openly with siblings.
- In your sixties and seventies: Focus on specifics like living arrangements, long‑term care preferences, and whether you’d like to stay at home if possible. Review financial and digital account access with trusted family members.
Any time life changes: keep the conversation going
- After a move: Laws about advance directives vary by state. Review your documents if you relocate to ensure they meet local requirements.
- After loss: The death of a loved one often prompts new reflections. Update your plan to reflect what you’ve learned.
- Every two to three years: Even without major events, set a reminder to review your paperwork regularly. Your feelings and relationships can change with time.
Tips for making these talks easier
- Start with What Matters Most to you in everyday life. For example, share what makes you happiest on a good day.
- Use authentic experiences, like a friend’s hospitalization, to introduce the topic gently.
- Keep documents organized. Store a copy digitally and give another to your proxy.
- Encourage your loved ones to share their own wishes too. Planning works best when it’s mutual.
Frequently asked questions
I’m healthy. Do I really need to do this now?
Yes. Accidents and unexpected illnesses can happen at any age. Early planning ensures your wishes are known and can be honored.
What if I don’t know who to choose as my proxy?
Pick someone who knows you well, respects your values and can remain calm under pressure. It can be a family member or a close friend. You can change your proxy later if needed.
Do I need to have everything figured out before I start?
No. It’s okay to begin with a simple plan and add details over time. The important thing is to start the conversation and record your choices.
Can I change my plan?
Yes. You can revise your documents any time. Just destroy old versions and share the updated ones with your proxy and doctor.
Closing
Talking about when to plan for the end of life isn’t easy, but it’s one of the most loving things you can do. By starting early and revisiting your choices as life changes, you protect your voice and give your family clarity. At Kinnect, we believe planning is an ongoing conversation, not a one‑off event. Omar Alvarez’s personal experiences in telehealth showed him that families thrive when they have these talks sooner rather than later. Our What Matters Most reflection tool can help you take the first step. It’s private, free and designed to guide you through your values at each stage of life.
